 Put me into a fighting mood |
Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?
Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.
|
| Help me with my hair doctor |
Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox. |
| Will I live any longer? |
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer. |
| Get a heart transplant |
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax |
| Bad temper problem |
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!! |
| An invisible man is here to see you |
Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next. |
| Would you please do me a favor? |
A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There |
| A very interesting fact |
Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room! |
| I think I need a pair of glasses |
Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank. |
| I have bad and very bad news |
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
P |
| Can I play the piano once these are off? |
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when t |
| I have good news and bad news |
Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you |
| Letters from charities |
I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money.
The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer's group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them! |
| The results of the X-ray |
Patient: Doctor, what does the X-ray of my head show?
Doctor: Absolutely nothing! |
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