 Does it hurt when you do this? |
Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, don't do that. |
| Get me an ambulence now |
A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.
Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance! |
| We are the best of friends |
The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."
"That is very kind of you, |
| My son swallowed the can opener |
Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener!
Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright.
Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!
|
| Doctor, should I file my nails? |
Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?
Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else. |
| What is your problem? |
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? |
| I've got good and bad |
This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"
Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, |
| I'm gaining weight doctor |
Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.
Doctor: You should diet.
Trish: Really? What color?
|
| A man with a glass eye is here to see you |
Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: What does he call his other eye?
|
| My wife is beating me |
David: My wife beats me, doctor.
Doctor: Oh dear. How often?
David: Every time we play Scrabble!
|
| I can't find the cause of your pain |
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober" |
| Did you ever have this before? |
Doctor: Have you ever had this before?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, you've got it again! |
| Preventive medicine belief |
Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.
Doctor: Oh, really?
Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!
|
| Driving exams worry me |
Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!
Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually.
Liz: I'm the examiner! |
| You're in great health |
Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty.
Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you. |
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