 I would like to havea second opinion |
A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.
Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out.
Patient: I wanna second opinion.
Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too. |
| Is she feeling any better? |
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet. |
| How much will this cost me? |
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $100.00.
Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?
Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like. |
| What should I do then? |
Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?
Doctor: Sell! |
| We need to help these people |
A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident.
Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not import |
| Will this operation hurt me at all? |
Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?
Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown. |
| Problems remembering |
Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!
Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?
Patient: What problem?
A variationDoctor: Did you take those |
| The prison hospital |
Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!
Doctor: I am, bit by bit. |
| A doctor is complaining to a mechanic |
A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new |
| People are ignoring me |
A patient walks into a doctor's office.
Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.
Doctor: Next! |
| Did you take the patient's temperature? |
Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature?
Nurse: No. Is it missing? |
| The bad and the worse news |
A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.
Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.
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| Do you have a solution? |
A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie! |
| Doctor! I swallowed a pillow! |
Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: How do you feel?
Patient: A little down in the mouth. |
| I want to lose some weight |
A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.
John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off. |
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