 How's business? |
Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night.
"How抯 business?" asked the first.
"Rotten," replied the other. "Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it, there were already two other lawyer h |
| Learning a lesson |
A prominent lawyer's son dreamed of following in his father's footsteps. After graduating from college and law school with honors, he returned home to join his father's firm, intent on proving himself to be a skilled and worthy attorney.
At th |
| Need a new lawyer |
Warning Signs that you Might Need a Different Lawyer
Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser.
When the prosecutors see your lawyer, they high-five each other.
Your lawyer picks the jury by playin |
| Free haircuts |
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God抯 work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber |
| The bronze statues |
| A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and as |
| Who owns the cows? |
| After his graduation from college, the son of a Spanish lawyer was considering his future. He went to his father and asked if he might be given a desk in the corner from which he could observe his father抯 activities and be introduced to his father抯 c |
| What is the oldest profession? |
| A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first sur |
| You're a lawyer if |
You Might Be A Lawyer If....
You are charging someone for reading these jokes.
The shortest sentence you have ever written was more than eighty words long.
You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.
Your other |
| Advice from lawyers |
| George and Lenny decide to cross North America in a hot air balloon. However, neither were particularly experienced balloonists, and Lenny's mind quickly drifted from navigation to thoughts of how clouds look like cuddly little bunny rabbits. Upon re |
| Seashore with family |
A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family.
Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted.
"Darling, it was just a shark," assured his wife when he came to.
"You've got to stop imagining that th |
| What type of tracks? |
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.
They were still arguing when the tr |
| Introduce lawyers |
"You are a cheat!" shouted the attorney to his opponent.
"And you're a liar!" bellowed the opposition.
Banging his gavel loudly, the judge interjected, "Now that both attorneys have been identified for the record, let's get on with the |
| Here's your fee schedule |
A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.
"Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months.
"What! That sounds like a car payme |
| Knowing the facts |
The following is a true story, and this situation supposedly occurred in a real courtroom.
At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to adm |
| I just managed to settle an account! |
A young attorney who had taken over his father抯 practice rushed home elated one night.
"Dad, listen," he shouted, "I抳e finally settled that old McKinney suit."
"Settled it!" cried his astonished father. "Why, you idiot! We have been liv |
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