 An honest lawyer |
An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.
"As I'm sure you can understand," she |
| Get money to heaven |
A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can抰 take it with you."
After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least s |
| When you know you must really be drunk |
A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch.
A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pock |
| Brain transplant |
"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.
"My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question." |
| Give him an orange |
One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was livid. "No! No! Think |
| That's a real bargain |
| A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bu |
| Excess billing hours |
| A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing |
| Some last minute requests |
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night.
The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the |
| I suppose I earned enough |
| An elderly and somewhat hard-of-hearing man was sitting in a stylish downtown attorney抯 office as his lawyer handed him his will. "Your estate is very complex," said the lawyer, "but I抳e made sure that all of your wishes will be executed. Due to the |
| Japan is in trouble |
Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.
What could cause such a sharp turnaround? H |
| Were you ever arrested? |
A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: "Have you ever been arrested?"
He answered no to the question.
The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was "why?" Nev |
| Steal from lawyers |
Jack and Mugs, two second-story men from Flatbush, were comparing notes on recent burglaries.
"Didja get anything on that last heist?" Jack asked.
"Nuttin' at all," Mugs admitted. "Toins out that the guy that lives there's a lawyer." |
| I want to appeal a case |
Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client抯 case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."
Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"
Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left." |
| You won't go to jail |
| A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn抰 want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, "Don抰 worry. You抣l never have to go to jail with all that money.?And the lawyer was right. When th |
| A cold winter night |
Lorenzo Dow, an evangelist of the last century, was on a preaching tour when he came to a small town one cold winter's night.
He entered the local general store to get some warmth, and saw the town's lawyers gathered around the pot-bellied sto |
News
